Small Goals Not Big Resolutions

I don't make resolutions. Making year long goals just begs to be failed (for me). That's the quickest way for me to hit one bump in the road and say well, it was a nice idea, and then never try again. I like setting much smaller scale goals. Last Oct I just wanted to start running again, and maybe lose some weight with it. So that's what I did. Then in Jan I thought, maybe I should add in some weights, so I did. Then sometime in Feb I got really really sick with the worst case of bronchitis I've probably ever had and was grounded from walking, running, lifting.....breathing. I had pulled rib muscles and I couldn't do anything.

By May I was finally able to walk again and run just a little. So I started over. Then I signed up for my first OldGuyRunning challenge on instagram and started following a 10k training plan just to help give me some direction. I wanted to get faster and run longer. So each month I set new goals with a bigger goal in mind at the end of the quarter. Nothing super major long term. Small things that added up to big things. In the end I've lost some weight. Not as much as I would've liked, but I still don't eat super great all the time and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, but I'm very happy with where I'm at. I've gotten faster and I can, so far at this point, run 14 consecutive miles.

I've done more for myself in 2014 than I have any other year! I'm healthier, more fit, and happy. I still won't make New Year resolutions. It's just not for me. I do have one long term goal in mind, but like everything else, I'll just take it a month at a time. Already I've changed my mind several times about what kind of fitness goals I want to work on in the next couple months. Here's where I'm at so far.

The Phoenix half marathon is February 28th, and a sweet sweet friend has paid my fee! I'm still just floored about it. This has made a huge impact on me. I was working on a half marathon training plan. I'm 7 weeks into it, but the mileage is so high, it's taking a toll on my legs and body. The one thing I've learned over the past year is how to listen to my body and make adjustments as needed. So I was going to scrap some of the plan and change it up. Add in weights and more crosstraining, slow down a run or two and cut out one speed work workout.

Then as I was looking over the Startline Racing schedule and which race to sign up for with my free entry I won in the summer, I noticed a full marathon in there. After some deliberation, talking it over with a friend, studying the full marathon plan, I think I'm gonna go for it. I'm going to sign up for a full marathon for April 4th!! The mileage is much more manageable, and I can put my crosstraining in nicely. I was running so much better when I was lifting, so I'm thinking I can still hit my half marathon goal time and enjoy running a marathon as well.

This year is going to be a good one because how could it not be. I have ideas for where I'd like to go fitness wise, but will leave room to make adjustments as I see fit. If something isn't working for me, I'll change it. I'd love to become an ambassador for a couple other programs and look forward to becoming a more active ambassador in the programs I'm already a part of.

I have several other goals; spirituality, to read my scriptures daily, something I've never done before. Also reread conference talks. Personal, spend more quality time with my children and husband. I've only got a short time with them realistically, on this earth, I need to make it count. Get some other things organized here at home. Make a decision as to whether or not I'll go back to work after this school year is over. See if it's a possibility at all to make it out to Indiana to meet my sweet IR4 buddy, Jaylee. Professional, where to go if I decide to continue to work. How to help my husband achieve his work goals......

So, lots of things on my radar. I'll take it a day at a time, readjust as I see fit. I've grown so much in 2014, I'm excited to see where I can take myself in 2015. First up, make it to Feb 28th!

Miles With Meaning

12 miles this morning. The longest I've ever run. Ever. It was not easy. I woke up with a headache and it took me 45 minutes to finally drag myself out of bed. I knew I'd be ticked at myself later for not doing this, and I had two little people on my mind who I promised miles to.

I got dressed and dragged myself out the door. I was punished by not being in a good spot to capture this morning's sunrise better, but I did at least get to see it and it was beautiful.

My first mile I was so stiff and sore. Everything just ached. My legs, my knees, my calves, my head. I managed to make it down the road and into the second mile. About halfway through that second mile I finally stopped and walked for a bit. I needed to refocus my run. I needed to stop looking at my Garmin  and forcing my body to do something it just seemed to not be able to do this morning. I decided to just allow my body to run the way it needed to. I decided the distance was more important than the pace today. I needed to put my thoughts on the two little people it needed to be on, and I started to plug away again. Mile 2 was much slower than it "should've" been, but I did it. Then all of a sudden mile 3 was done. Then mile 4, all slower than the called for plan. But my mind was where it needed to be.

Today, December 6th, is my sweet nephew's birthday. He returned home to heaven unexpectedly at the age of 16 months. He would be 4 today. I miss his little mug so much. I miss having giggly pictures sent to me from my sister. I miss that I don't get to see him grow up. He lived in a different state, so I didn't see him much besides pictures, but I loved them and him. My second favorite job from being a mom, is being an Auntie. I LOVE my nieces and nephews and I LOVE him. I thought of him during my run and I hit my stride during those thoughts and all of a sudden I didn't feel the run anymore. I knew I was moving forward, but I wasn't focused on it anymore. My body was doing what my mind was allowing it to do, running the way it knew how.

My thoughts moved to my cute buddy Jaylee who I've talked about in previous posts on here. Running is hard work. Keeping pace is even harder work sometimes, but in perspective, it's nothing compared to the fight this little girl has fought in her short life so far. When I think of her I cannot help but smile. She is the happiest little girl I know. Right about then I hit the part of my run that was supposed to be faster. I remembered her mommy said she loves the wind in her hair. Well, I run with a Lego version of Jaylee in my pockets, pouches or whatever I have as storage that day on me. I thought of that and picked up my pace so Lego Jaylee could "feel" the wind in her "hair". This seems like a silly thing, I know, but it helps.

The last two miles were still a struggle, but I wanted to finish strong. I knew I could. I knew I had it in me. So I pushed. When I finished I couldn't believe I had just run 12 miles. More successfully than some of my shorter runs. Did I hit each pace split I was "supposed" to, no. But more importantly I listened to my body, I allowed myself to run the way I needed to. And even more importantly than that, I made those miles happen for two sweet babes. And in turn, allowing myself to focus on someone other than myself I was rewarded with a great run.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go....some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are forever changed." I am the luckiest girl in the world because so many have changed the direction I have taken my life. I was grateful to spend 12 miles thinking of two of those people who've changed my life forever.

Why Would I Ever Run Sick?

I ran a 5k yesterday morning with a virtual racing team that was started here in Arizona, called Arizona Virtual Running, so there's a pretty good amount of locals who run the race. It seems insignificant, but it was a very important race for me. It meant enough for me to run it with a sinus infection and upper respiratory illness, in the cold, and with the wind.

Last year it was my first race I ran for me. I struggled so badly. I had just started running again a few weeks before and was just praying for at least one of the three miles in the 9's. I fought like crazy to get at least one (9:46). The rest were in the 10's. I finished last year with a distance of 2.81 (there was a gigantic puddle at the halfway point, so the distance was shortened) and on track to have a 5k in 32:09.

This year I wanted to see how far I could push. I have already gotten a non racing 5k in 26:56, I wanted to know if I could do it again, and then I got sick. I didn't care how miserable I was, I was running this thing. I finished at a distance of 3.02 on track to complete the 5k in 27:55!!! One of my miles was in the 8's (8:47). The others might have been as well, but when we turned around at the halfway, we turned right into a headwind!! I was so frustrated! I pushed as hard as I could, but my lungs and chest just couldn't get back below a 9, though I was close, I was struggling physically to push myself to the end. At one point with the end in sight I stopped for just a moment trying to breathe better, but realized if I just get it done, I'll be done. Mentally, I was as strong as ever. I pushed everything left in the tank out to finish this thing strong.

Why was this so significant though? I spent this whole year fighting for myself. I pushed my limits mentally and physically. I dealt with pain, frustration, injury, and doubts. I tried new things and succeeded. I tried new things and failed. But I never once gave up on myself and what I wanted. I feel like this race marked my succession on a job well done (though I'm not actually finished).

Then, I "met" this cute little 3 year old a couple weeks ago. I am a member of the "I Run 4 Michael" community on Facebook (this link will take you to their website). The admins pair runners with buddys (children and adults) with disabilities and give us the opportunity to build relationships with each other and the families and dedicate our runs, workouts, whatever we choose, to our buddy. Well after waiting for 19 weeks I was paired with the most amazing little girl! Her desire to fight astounds me and the love of her family and friends to support one another is simply heartwarming and amazing. Let me introduce her to you using the words of her mother Paige:

Jaylee suffered an in utero stroke during my pregnancy that left her with severe brain damage. At 4 months old she had her first seizure and she was immediately diagnosed with epilepsy after an EEG.. (those were controlled with medications) but at 7 months old she had her first infantile spasm.. I don't know if you know much about those but they are pretty devastating and very hard to control. None of the treatments controlled Jaylee's spasms and before we knew it she was having hundreds of seizures a day (her neuro now thinks she was basically seizing all day every day).

Jaylee was being seen here in Indiana at the Children's hospital (Riley) in Indianapolis but they were continously unable to control her seizures. We watched Jaylee slowly drift away. Due to illnesses, medications, and the  number of seizures she was having.. she was losing any and all the progress she had worked so hard in her many therapies to reach. At 1 1/2 she lost all head control, her ability to swallow, her ability to bear any and all weight on her legs, and she was starting to lose her sweet personality ( I forgot to mention that Jaylee is the HAPPIEST, sweetest little thing in the entire world).

Desperate, we took her to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio for another opinion in July of 2013. The neurology team there presented Jaylee's case and in January of 2014 we got a call from her neuro that she was a candidate for a surgery there where they would remove the bad (right hemisphere) part of her brain as a last resort to control her seizures. We went ahead with the surgery. Jaylee had only a 50% chance to come out seizure free but we couldn't stand to watch her suffer the way she was for another day.

Today, Jaylee is 269 days seizure FREE! :) (as of Nov 23, 2014)

Jaylee has Cerebral Palsy, Schizencephaly, Encephalomalacia, quadraplegia, cortical blindness in both eyes, global developmental delays, and she underwent a hemispherectomy (that I mentioned about) and the entire right hemisphere of her brain was completely disconnected. She has a feeding tube and her way of getting around is in a very blinged-out pink wheelchair!

Her medical diagnoses list is long but she is the happiest little girl. She LOVES to swim and she loves music and being around family and people.  She smiles and laughs constantly :) She goes to school 5 days a week and she loves it! Words can't really describe how amazing she is or how much she means to me. I don't think I could ever love anyone like I love her!

Runner Buddy Brag Alert:  I get to run for this amazing girl, every day. She also spent this whole year fighting for herself. I believe wholeheartedly that she wanted to be here on this earth. She wanted to be with her loving family as long as she could, and now I have the great honor to have her in my life. This weighed on my mind heavily as I struggled to get through this race. This race was not only for me, but also for Jaylee. Though our struggles are different, and there's a 30 year difference in age, she inspires me and already helps me want to be even better and work even harder and love my family more.

So while running sick was not entirely the smartest decision I've ever made and bucks against what I've learned about resting and recovering and listening to my body, if there ever was a day to throw caution to the wind, yesterday was that day.

Thank you to everyone who's ever supported me, loved me, strengthened me, and given me constructive advice. I'm not done fighting and have so much left to give. Sweet Jaylee fights everyday as well and I will do whatever I can to support this sweet little girl who inspires me so much. Thank you Jaylee for being in my heart, on my mind and in my waterbottle pouch (in lego form of course) as we ran this race together and crossed that finish line together. Both of my medals (last year's and todays) will be shipped to you after Thanksgiving as a reminder to always fight as best we can.
(The picture at the end is Laura, my new friend. She's an I Run 4 runner also and lives here in Mesa. She runs for Annelise who lives in Australia!)

Half Marathon Training!

Half marathon training will begin next week. I've never run that long so there's a small amount of anxiety with training to actually do this. Every time I think about lining up to run, my stomach starts to flip. As I was looking through the training plan and writing the paces I needed to keep for certain workouts I've realized that I can already run those paces so I really have nothing to worry about other than getting used to the distances required. I'm hoping the nerves of what I'm going to try to do will subside.

In preparation for this I've reset some goals. Since 10k training ended I haven't been fueling to run, but I've still been running. Oh man have I noticed a difference. I can still complete runs and have managed to meet some goals, but it's a struggle. I can feel that I'm not hydrated well enough and I don't have the right foods going in to use for energy. I'll be refocusing on eating to run. I'm also planning to get to the gym to lift weights in order to balance muscles and hopefully stave off injury.

Another huge focus will be on what works for fuel during a run. There are so many options out there, and so many opinions on what works. So I just gotta figure out what works for me. I'm really hoping that is isn't too much of a chore and my stomach doesn't suffer too much from the things that might not work as well. I think once I get back into training mode everything will come together nicely for me, I just need to have confidence and trust myself and my body! Ready or not.....

Hitting Goals Feels Oh So Good!

What a month October was for me!! This will be a short blog post, but I have nothing but excitement for it! On the 22nd I went out with the purpose to run a 5k, hoping for a good time, but not really stressing too much about what time I got it done in. I started off feeling strong and comfortable. As I was headed into the third mile I was thinking, I'm really cruising! I can get a good time I think. I got done, hit stop and found 26:56 sitting on my recorded time!! I couldn't even BLELIEVE it! I was just hoping that one day I'd get to 28:00 or something. I never dreamed I'd be under that the first year back into running. But there it was. I was high for a week.

A week later, on the 28th I set out for a 10k. I wasn't actually aiming for my goal time, I was just running, hovering around 8:55-9:00 average pace, give or take a little. At mile 5 it dawned on me I could hit my goal if I pick it up. If I out and out ran the last bit, I would get 55:00 at least, maybe lower! The last 1.2 miles I ran what I had and came in at 54:55!!!!! The last .20 was at 7:45!!! It was the best feeling ever to comfortably run the first 5 miles and then really give everything I had to the last little bit and hit my goal of sub 55:00!! Imagine if I poured my all into the WHOLE thing!

I have a 5k and 10k turkey trot coming up in Nov. Both of these successful runs were evening ones. I'm a much stronger night runner than I am morning runner. So my goal for these distances, currently, is to be able to transfer this success into morning miles for these races. Time to get it done!

Happy One Year Fitness Journey!

So I've hit my year mark from my first run. From the time when I finally said, I'm taking care of me.

I normally don't run on Sunday. It's my one absolute no running day. The one complete day I use for family, church and rest. I got a burst of major nervous energy all of a sudden that I imagine most people use walking for. The way they may release that energy, reflect on what matters and regroup. All things that a Sunday is for (in my opinion). So I laced up and headed out to clear my mind, reflect and regroup with what works for me. That's in the form of a run.

As I was running west into the sunset I almost captured it on camera and then decided against it. I decided to enjoy the moment, take it all in, watch the beauty of the way it changed as I felt the burn in my lungs and the ache in my legs. It was a cloudy afternoon so it covered some of it, but the colors that broke through on the clouds was beautiful. I watched it change from a bright pink, almost cotton candy like, to a dark pink/orange and then to a deep red/purple/blue. As I was running I was thinking about my past year and years before and what those meant to me.

Then as I rounded the corner into about 2.3 miles or so the song by Natasha Bedingfield "Freckles" came on. It's a slower song, not one to use for a quick pace, but I tuned into the lyrics of that song as I watched the sun set.

"Freckles"

I used to care so much about
What others think about
I almost didn't have
A thought of my own

The slightest remark
Would make me embark
On a journey of self-doubt
But that was a while ago

This girl has got stronger
And if I knew then what I know now
I would have told myself
Don't worry any longer, it's okay

'Cause a face without freckles
Is like a sky without the stars
Why waste a second
Not loving who you are

Those little imperfections
Make you beautiful, lovable, valuable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Who you are
Who you are
Who you are

I wondered if I could trade my body
With somebody else in magazines
With the whole world fall at my feet

I felt damn worthy
And would blame my failures
On the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me

Sometimes I still feel like that little girl
Who doesn't belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And reminding myself

That a face without freckles
Is like a sky without the stars
Why waste a second
Not loving who you are

Those little imperfections
Make you beautiful, lovable, valuable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Reflecting who you are
Reflecting who you are

'Cause a face without freckles
Is like the sky without the stars
Why waste a second
Not loving who you are

Those little imperfections
Make you beautiful, lovable, valuable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Reflecting who you are
Reflecting who you are
Reflecting who you are
Reflecting who you are

How fitting that this song would come on right in that moment. I've always believed that things happen for a reason. I needed to be on the road tonight. I needed to watch that sun set. This song needed to come on right then and even my pace slowed as I listened to the words.

I'm different than anyone else. My journey looks different from everyone else's. I'm me. I'm learning to be the best me there is. I'm learning to accept all my imperfections and love who I am. It's the best gift I can give myself and the best lesson I can teach my children. So here's to what was an amazing year and for more wonderful years in the future. Thanks to all who join me on this journey and who help lift me up when I don't feel strong enough to do it myself in that moment. Thanks to all those who allow me into their lives and let me share in their journey to gain encouragement from you all and let me cheer you on. I'll be forever grateful to all of you.

We Hiked Horton Creek!

So, I just hiked the Horton Creek trail in Payson, Az with my little family over the past weekend. I've been reflecting on this and what doing this trail meant to me.

One year ago (2013) in Sept we took the kids to Tonto Natural Bridge, also in Payson area. It's a super short, half mile hike. Steepish with switchbacks, but obviously pretty short. It's a sight to behold. Nature is amazing and that hike did not disappoint in beauty. The problem with this hike was I was completely out of breath. I couldn't believe how hard I was breathing. It was ridiculous. My children were a little winded, but nothing like what I was experiencing. Then I looked at the family picture that was taken of us, and I wanted to cry. I was smiling, but clearly I didn't want to be in it. I felt terrible and thought I looked terrible.

A month later we took the kids to Sedona to hike there. We were going to do a trail by Bell Rock, I think it's Courthouse Butte, but we didn't bring any water for whatever reason, so we kinda just let the kids run around on the rock and we walked a couple short pieces of the trail. Again, same problem. I'd make a big step up onto different levels of rock and my heart rate would shoot up and I'd be out of breath. That was the day I finally decided I needed to do something about it. It still took a couple weeks for me to get going, but I really haven't looked back sense.

Flash forward to Saturday, it's about a 7.5ish mile hike round trip to do the Horton Creek trail. We were a little concerned the kids wouldn't be able to make the whole trip. Mack and I had hiked half of it a few months before at around a 25:00/mile pace, but obviously the kids are much smaller. We figured we'd just do what we could and see how it goes. I also knew the elevation grade was high the second half and so I was worried for all of us. I had no idea how it was going to go. All in all, we had a GREAT trip. It wasn't drama free. My cute little almost 6 year old cried at the last 1.6 miles up in the elevation, but he did it, holding our hands so he didn't slip and fall while crying. Then on the way back down, same thing, he cried for that 1.6 miles. But that cute little boy did that whole dang hike! All of us did, in a 29:00/mile!! My children were champs, my poor husband managed it pretty well, but I am so happy to report, I out hiked the kids. I was tired, but my breathing was manageable, the elevation was manageable, I probably could've kept going honestly. I couldn't believe it. In one year I got my body in shape enough to hike with my babies and keep up with them! To say I was ecstatic about it would be an understatement. Not only was I in the pine trees, which always makes me happy, but I was finally able to be active with my children in a way I hadn't been able to the year (or years) prior.

I haven't lost an amazing amount of weight, I'm not the fastest runner around, I'm certainly not the strongest, but my body is faster, stronger and lighter than a year ago and that makes it so much easier to do the things I enjoy. There's nothing that I'd change about how this year has gone. I've learned so many lessons about perseverance, recovery from illness/injury, trusting my body and learning to listen to what I need. Just when I think I don't want to do this anymore, it's so much work, I remember how I felt in those hikes and I remember, this is what I want and I will always continue to work toward a healthier happier me. I want to be there for my children and share in their same passions for being active outdoors. So this is my new lifestyle, one I'm continuing to learn to live, but one I love.