Injury Won't Keep Me Down

So, it's been a rough go the past few weeks. This isn't exactly how I thought 2015 was going to end. But here I am, facing my worst running injury square in the eyes, knowing that any time goal and redemption I had for the Phoenix half marathon are toast. My fingers are crossed that I will at least get to walk the half marathon. I'm crazy enough to do that, if the doctor says I can. I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned there. If he says absolutely not, I'll be deferring the race and I'll try again in 2017.

I've shed a lot of tears over this. It's a silly thing to cry over, I know, but nonetheless it's devastating for me. I won't hide that. I think what's frustrating is that I really tried to listen to my body this year. Which brings me to this. This year did not start how I wanted it to, with an injury just as infuriating, and it isn't ending how I imagined, but the middle... what a ride.

This is the first year I've raced. Really raced. And while I'm questioning whether or not that's something I should be doing, I really enjoyed myself. I worked really hard to get where I am. I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be. My all time "desired" goal is a sub 2 hr half marathon. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever realize it, but the dream is still there and I believe that one day, it'll be possible.

In the meantime I've now raced two half marathons, a 15k, two 10k's, an 8k and a 5k this year. Not one of them were easy, but every one of them, absolutely worth all the work and frustration and sweat and pain and tears.

While this injury is knocking me down right now, it will never be able to keep me down. When the bad day passes and I reflect back on the past few months leading up to the stress fracture, I accomplished so much! I have made some wonderful new friendships, lasting friendships, with people whom I genuinely love to pieces. I no longer desire to run alone every time. I LOVE running with friends and look forward to the opportunity to at least ride a bike next to them soon (maybe I can get a new bike outta this mess?) until I can run by their side again. I ran my furthest distance ever! Who just goes out to run 16 miles for the heck of it? Not many people I know, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to show myself, I could. And I did. And it was awful and glorious all at the same time! I've had lots of other great wins this year!

Then in Nov as I began training for the Phoenix half marathon, I told myself that I would really listen to my body this time. If it said stop, I would stop. I would rest. I would make sure I line up uninjured and healthy. While I won't necessarily be lining up in this state, I wouldn't change one single thing I did leading up to diagnosis. After running and PRing my Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving (on what I now know was a stress fracture) I rested the whole week leading up to the Hot Chocolate 15k.

A few days into this voluntary rest period, I started questioning the pain I still had. I went to urgent care to discuss it with them and see what they said. After a quick exam, I was told medial tibial stress syndrome and was told I'd be okay to race, just ice and ibuprofen. So I taped up my shin for medial tibial stress, and lined up for Hot Chocolate. At the end of that race my shin was hurting. Very badly. Despite the tape, and despite compression socks. Despite the week of ice and ibuprofen. I think right then, I knew. Something wasn't right. I finished the race, crushed a 9:29/avg min pace, and smiled for every dang picture taken. I had an absolute blast.

A few hours later, while at church, it was starting to sink in. I was in a lot of pain. Not shin splint pain. Real, excruciating pain. I took ibuprofen, I iced, I rested. I did not run one single step. The next week, after the intensity of the pain coming and going, and lots of conversation with my best running friend Brecka, I made a phone call to a sports doctor and took the first available appt. The rest is history (or I guess, my present?)

So while it's not an ideal ending, I did listen to my body. It told me not to run. And I didn't when I realized that something was truly not right. And even though my last two races were run on a stress fracture, I ran the HECK out of them! If I can do that on a fracture, imagine what my body will be capable of when it's recovered and healthy!

I've had a few really hard days in 2015 when it comes to running. I imagine I will have a few more as the months of recovery stretch on, but I know when I'm recovered and healthy again, I will come back stronger, braver, kinder, unstoppable and fierce! I don't know what exactly my goals will look like for 2016 yet with this set back, but I'm trying to listen quietly to what I'm impressed will help me grow.

Thank you to everyone who has followed and shared in my journey this year. Thank you for all the love, encouragement, motivation and support I've received. 2016 is going to be a great year. I'm sure of it!

My First MRI and "Results"

So what is it like to get an MRI? I've never had one of those before! Can you believe it? I've been xrayed a bunch, I've had one CT scan of my throat looking for an abscess in my tonsils, I've even had some fancy ultrasound done on my neck looking at my thyroid. But never an MRI! So check that right off the bucket list of things to do!

Okay, not really. That was not my idea of fun. I'm not overly anxious of medical procedures. I mean. I think the normal amount, but I feel like I handle myself well. An MRI had me a little worried. I'm not really claustrophobic, so that wasn't necessarily it, but I've seen video clips on YouTube of how powerful they are! I saw the one where they've tethered a chair and the machine sucks it right in basically. YIKES!!! My husband has mentioned that he wasn't allowed to wear metal in the room! I was not excited about this. I almost canceled, but I had a gut feeling that I needed to see this through, so I went to my appt.

Imagine my surprise  (after checking every single box assuring I had no metal objects on or in me) when they told me to hop up...with my jeans on. And my jacket. And my bra!! They told me to take off my glasses and leave them on the ledge.

BUT WOULDN'T THEY GET SUCKED INTO THE MACHINE JUST BEING IN THE SAME ROOM!!? Wouldn't I get sucked to the top of it and stick by my jacket and pants!!! I won't lie, I was briefly terrified! But the techs were cool as cucumbers, so I practiced my yoga breathing (thank you Liz for taking me to yoga this year!!!) and was able to calm myself down.

After plenty of adjustments and being handed some ear plugs and some little ball thing (think stethoscope pump thingy) to squeeze if I needed them for any reason and told it would take about half an hour, they walked out and I was alone (kinda).

Man is that thing loud!! Thank goodness for the ear plugs! Seriously! I was really lucky. Because my injury is in my leg, my body didn't have to go all the way into the tube. I went in feet first and only up to about my chest at one point. The table got moved about 4 times I think. Each one made my heart race a little, but I would just close my eyes and Savasana ;D myself back down.

It really did last about 30 min. The last 10 or so, I was done. I wanted to wiggle and point my toes and bend my knees. I started looking around more, but because I didn't have my glasses on, it was harder to see, and I knew I couldn't really move much. You can't wiggle when they're scanning you. 

Right about the moment I really had had enough, it was done and they came in to release me from the tube and table. They handed me my films (seriously, let's talk about archaic technology, I thought everyone loaded imaging onto CDs these days) and sent me on my way telling me that the doctor would be calling me in a few days (um, nope. It's Christmas weekend. I'll be lucky if I hear from him by the 23rd). I had already arranged to take my films over to our friend's house and he'd be able to read them for me. Thank goodness for a radiologist living around the corner!

Anyway. I've always wondered what it would be like to have an MRI, and now I know, though I consider myself lucky that I didn't have to go all the way into the tube. I'm grateful to know I will not get sucked in and I won't stick to the top of the machine, never to be released from it ever again!

 Although, I'm hoping to never need one again!!

On the note of results. My friend was shocked to see film, just like I was, but he is pretty dang good at what he does. After looking each one over, and asking a couple of questions, he pinpointed what looks to be a small stress fracture right in the exact spot that hurts the most in my leg. The spot that when I apply frozen rice bags to my leg, aches. The spot that will occasionally throb. He said it's pretty small, but it's there. I can see it too, he showed me. That means no running for at least 6 more weeks (maybe I'll get lucky when the doctor calls, but I'm not counting on being released any sooner). Even he agreed with that. That is not the news I wanted, but I think I knew in my gut that's what I was getting. It's why I just went through with it all. So that I knew for sure.

I'm devastated with the news. I do know that the doctor still needs to call and confirm it with me, and then comes the course of action to heal it. I will be as positive as I can through it, but right now, in this moment, I'm frustrated and angry. And really really sad. I've already cried. A lot. I'm sure there's more of that to come. I kinda wanna throw some things. If you're wondering if I'm a passionate person... I guess this answers your question (or I'm a raging hot head, you decide, lol). I know in the big picture this is just a tiny blip. I know this isn't going to be a big deal on down the road. But right now it's huge and I will allow myself to feel all of the emotions that come with this kind of news and I won't excuse any of it. Please please, I'm not in any place to hear any constructive criticisms, or advice. I'm going to need to ride this wave. I will follow what the doctor tells me I'm allowed, or not allowed, to do. And in the end, I will come out a stronger runner and hopefully a stronger athlete with better control over the mental battle that healing and recovery affords.

Thank you everyone for your kind words already and any advice already offered. I know it comes from a place of love and genuine concern, and I really do appreciate it. Please don't ever think I don't appreciate the help and support I get from everyone. It means so much to me.

So, on a lighter note... who has had an MRI done before? What was it like for you? I really wanna know!!

Running Injuries are the Worst!!

Well, unfortunately I don't have much to report as far as training goes. I had restarted with the 21 day fix videos on Monday, but by the end of the day my shin was very sore again. I did the Total Body Cardio Fix and followed the modifier, so absolutely no jumping around. I enjoyed it greatly, but the pain that accompanied it, not worth it to keep going. That evening I was feeling very frustrated and extremely nervous about whether or not I was truly looking at shin splints or if it is a stress fracture. I messaged Brecka and she hooked me up with a number to an actual sports doctor.

Tuesday morning I had snagged up the only appt available before Christmas, scheduled for Thursday afternoon, and decided to lay low until then. It was a good choice. I was pretty sore the days leading up to it.

Thursday's appt didn't go how I thought. My shin was very sore that day. I expected terrible news, but tried to remain optimistic. Xrays were done and then lots of questions and an exam of my leg.

The poor doctor had no idea what he was getting into, that poor man. He started by looking at my left leg. I honestly for a minute thought... um wrong leg. And then asked him if he knew it wasn't that leg that hurt. He responded with an "I know, I gotta look at the healthy one first" to which I responded with "oh gee, that makes sense. I was about to ask to see your credentials!" Hahaha, poor guy, he glanced up quickly to see my wide grin! The intern he had in there kinda laughed too!

These shorts tho! My "parting" gift they said.

The exam continues on and he starts pushing on the shin bones and surrounding muscle asking me if anything hurt. He was pushing hard! My response... "No. No. No. Well, if you push hard enough, sure it hurts!!"

Where is my filter?!!!

Anyway, so we carry on and go through all the walk on your heels, walk on your toes, does any of that hurt? Now hop on your left leg. K, now hop on your right leg.

SCREEEEECH!!! Wait, what!!

I stood on my right foot and mustered up what I could before giving it a go, knowing it was gonna be bad. I barely got off the ground. One "hop". I couldn't do it. I wanted to cry. I knew that was a bad thing.

So here we sat discussing the differences between shin splints and stress fractures and how not being able to hop just "muddied" up my diagnosis. My spirits fell. My xrays were perfect he said, and he was about to call severe shin splints, until I couldn't hop.

Plan of action. Treat it like a stress fracture and take 6 more weeks off of running, or get an MRI and know for certain what we're dealing with and exactly how to treat it. So. I'm scheduled for an MRI at 6:00 this evening.

The frustrating thing about the appt is literally one day later. I could hop. I'm still sore. I've gone back and forth over whether to call and leave a message and see if he'll clear me for running, or just see this thing through, and know for absolute certainty. I think I'm choosing know for certain. Better safe than sorry.

I'm hoping like crazy I get the phone call before Christmas eve saying I'm good to go. It may be wishful thinking, but if I hope and pray hard enough, it can be my Christmas miracle!

How do you handle it when you get grounding injuries? What gets you through the dark days of not being able to be active the way you were, pre-injury?