12 miles this morning. The longest I've ever run. Ever. It was not easy. I woke up with a headache and it took me 45 minutes to finally drag myself out of bed. I knew I'd be ticked at myself later for not doing this, and I had two little people on my mind who I promised miles to.
I got dressed and dragged myself out the door. I was punished by not being in a good spot to capture this morning's sunrise better, but I did at least get to see it and it was beautiful.
My first mile I was so stiff and sore. Everything just ached. My legs, my knees, my calves, my head. I managed to make it down the road and into the second mile. About halfway through that second mile I finally stopped and walked for a bit. I needed to refocus my run. I needed to stop looking at my Garmin and forcing my body to do something it just seemed to not be able to do this morning. I decided to just allow my body to run the way it needed to. I decided the distance was more important than the pace today. I needed to put my thoughts on the two little people it needed to be on, and I started to plug away again. Mile 2 was much slower than it "should've" been, but I did it. Then all of a sudden mile 3 was done. Then mile 4, all slower than the called for plan. But my mind was where it needed to be.
Today, December 6th, is my sweet nephew's birthday. He returned home to heaven unexpectedly at the age of 16 months. He would be 4 today. I miss his little mug so much. I miss having giggly pictures sent to me from my sister. I miss that I don't get to see him grow up. He lived in a different state, so I didn't see him much besides pictures, but I loved them and him. My second favorite job from being a mom, is being an Auntie. I LOVE my nieces and nephews and I LOVE him. I thought of him during my run and I hit my stride during those thoughts and all of a sudden I didn't feel the run anymore. I knew I was moving forward, but I wasn't focused on it anymore. My body was doing what my mind was allowing it to do, running the way it knew how.
My thoughts moved to my cute buddy Jaylee who I've talked about in previous posts on here. Running is hard work. Keeping pace is even harder work sometimes, but in perspective, it's nothing compared to the fight this little girl has fought in her short life so far. When I think of her I cannot help but smile. She is the happiest little girl I know. Right about then I hit the part of my run that was supposed to be faster. I remembered her mommy said she loves the wind in her hair. Well, I run with a Lego version of Jaylee in my pockets, pouches or whatever I have as storage that day on me. I thought of that and picked up my pace so Lego Jaylee could "feel" the wind in her "hair". This seems like a silly thing, I know, but it helps.
The last two miles were still a struggle, but I wanted to finish strong. I knew I could. I knew I had it in me. So I pushed. When I finished I couldn't believe I had just run 12 miles. More successfully than some of my shorter runs. Did I hit each pace split I was "supposed" to, no. But more importantly I listened to my body, I allowed myself to run the way I needed to. And even more importantly than that, I made those miles happen for two sweet babes. And in turn, allowing myself to focus on someone other than myself I was rewarded with a great run.
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go....some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are forever changed." I am the luckiest girl in the world because so many have changed the direction I have taken my life. I was grateful to spend 12 miles thinking of two of those people who've changed my life forever.
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