Injury Won't Keep Me Down

So, it's been a rough go the past few weeks. This isn't exactly how I thought 2015 was going to end. But here I am, facing my worst running injury square in the eyes, knowing that any time goal and redemption I had for the Phoenix half marathon are toast. My fingers are crossed that I will at least get to walk the half marathon. I'm crazy enough to do that, if the doctor says I can. I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned there. If he says absolutely not, I'll be deferring the race and I'll try again in 2017.

I've shed a lot of tears over this. It's a silly thing to cry over, I know, but nonetheless it's devastating for me. I won't hide that. I think what's frustrating is that I really tried to listen to my body this year. Which brings me to this. This year did not start how I wanted it to, with an injury just as infuriating, and it isn't ending how I imagined, but the middle... what a ride.

This is the first year I've raced. Really raced. And while I'm questioning whether or not that's something I should be doing, I really enjoyed myself. I worked really hard to get where I am. I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be. My all time "desired" goal is a sub 2 hr half marathon. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever realize it, but the dream is still there and I believe that one day, it'll be possible.

In the meantime I've now raced two half marathons, a 15k, two 10k's, an 8k and a 5k this year. Not one of them were easy, but every one of them, absolutely worth all the work and frustration and sweat and pain and tears.

While this injury is knocking me down right now, it will never be able to keep me down. When the bad day passes and I reflect back on the past few months leading up to the stress fracture, I accomplished so much! I have made some wonderful new friendships, lasting friendships, with people whom I genuinely love to pieces. I no longer desire to run alone every time. I LOVE running with friends and look forward to the opportunity to at least ride a bike next to them soon (maybe I can get a new bike outta this mess?) until I can run by their side again. I ran my furthest distance ever! Who just goes out to run 16 miles for the heck of it? Not many people I know, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to show myself, I could. And I did. And it was awful and glorious all at the same time! I've had lots of other great wins this year!

Then in Nov as I began training for the Phoenix half marathon, I told myself that I would really listen to my body this time. If it said stop, I would stop. I would rest. I would make sure I line up uninjured and healthy. While I won't necessarily be lining up in this state, I wouldn't change one single thing I did leading up to diagnosis. After running and PRing my Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving (on what I now know was a stress fracture) I rested the whole week leading up to the Hot Chocolate 15k.

A few days into this voluntary rest period, I started questioning the pain I still had. I went to urgent care to discuss it with them and see what they said. After a quick exam, I was told medial tibial stress syndrome and was told I'd be okay to race, just ice and ibuprofen. So I taped up my shin for medial tibial stress, and lined up for Hot Chocolate. At the end of that race my shin was hurting. Very badly. Despite the tape, and despite compression socks. Despite the week of ice and ibuprofen. I think right then, I knew. Something wasn't right. I finished the race, crushed a 9:29/avg min pace, and smiled for every dang picture taken. I had an absolute blast.

A few hours later, while at church, it was starting to sink in. I was in a lot of pain. Not shin splint pain. Real, excruciating pain. I took ibuprofen, I iced, I rested. I did not run one single step. The next week, after the intensity of the pain coming and going, and lots of conversation with my best running friend Brecka, I made a phone call to a sports doctor and took the first available appt. The rest is history (or I guess, my present?)

So while it's not an ideal ending, I did listen to my body. It told me not to run. And I didn't when I realized that something was truly not right. And even though my last two races were run on a stress fracture, I ran the HECK out of them! If I can do that on a fracture, imagine what my body will be capable of when it's recovered and healthy!

I've had a few really hard days in 2015 when it comes to running. I imagine I will have a few more as the months of recovery stretch on, but I know when I'm recovered and healthy again, I will come back stronger, braver, kinder, unstoppable and fierce! I don't know what exactly my goals will look like for 2016 yet with this set back, but I'm trying to listen quietly to what I'm impressed will help me grow.

Thank you to everyone who has followed and shared in my journey this year. Thank you for all the love, encouragement, motivation and support I've received. 2016 is going to be a great year. I'm sure of it!